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Don't tell anyone:...but LSU's facilities make Kublai Khan look like a brokeass dude with a donkey and tin crown.

The indoor facility looks sturdy. (LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION JERRY JONES.)

Alabama DE shot. First news: Brandon Deaderick is fine, and is recovering from gunshot wounds to the arm and leg this morning following a robbery attempt at an off-campus apartment complex in Tuscaloosa. You could read the following information from the AP, but it will cost you $758 dollars.

Deaderick did not know the man, who pointed a gun and said "Give it up," Anderson said. When Deaderick refused, the assailant fired the gun, striking the player in the arm, the chief said. Police were searching for the shooter.

In the arm? Someone's been watching the World Series of Dice skit, and took notes on how to avoid the attempted murder charge. Deaderick is in good condition, and will be released within a day most likely. Deaderick is the starting defensive end, and is a key part of the Alabama defensive line. Virginia Tech still won't have an established tailback, so the injury still won't really give VT a chance of scoring more than twenty in this game without turnovers handed to them by Alabama, since Tyrod Taylor alone is not enough of a threat to knock anyone in the Saban Cover 2 out of position for a big play. Speedy recovery to Deaderick, though, who will get his Badassery merit badge easily for coming back to play this year from not one, but two gunshots. (Roll Bama Roll has your necessary VT defensive preview here. Bud Foster makes the 5-2 flex look oh-so-pretty.)

Mike Gundy's not motivated by revenge. That's what he says, meaning he is, though if you argue that point he would likely tell you that is complete garbidge.

Bobby Petrino is a crap milkman. Bobby Petrino was a milk deliveryman, something possibly explaining the number of strategically brilliant but faithless children with ruddy complexions along rural routes in Montana. We all get to find this out because Petrino is in a good mood leading up to game one, and because he is taking a page from the Nick Saban 2007 book by exposing his HUGH-MANN side to reporters to win their favorable coverage.

We might take it easier on him not because he is human, but because he once did something this completely metal:

Before taking questions, Petrino talked a bit about his youth, particularly the various jobs he worked growing up. He told one amusing story about when he was a milkman and had to deliver to a house on a hill. He set the emergency brake, delivered the milk, turned around and ...

"There was the truck, rolling down the hill," Petrino said. "It was rolling right at two cars, and I took off running. At that time, I could still run a little bit, and I got there. I caught the truck. Only problem is, I went out the passenger side. The driver side door was shut.

"So I just stood there and watched a little bit, prayed a little bit, and it turned left, veered across the street, went down through the ditch, hit a telephone pole, snapped the telephone pole in half.

This is as good a summary of his time with the Falcons, metaphorically speaking, as one could possibly find.

Donna Shalala was wrong. Willie Williams, likely on the bench for a while, legally and life-speaking.