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CURIOUS INDEX, 8/28/2009

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Ur about 2 get pwned by these tronass graphics. While we don't endorse the "They're too pussy to play us" again bit at the end, the tronass graphics sequence and Steely Dan sample Kanye in this summary video of Florida's 17-9 victory over USC in 1982 is enough to make it one of the more amusing and educational football videos you'll watch today.

Amusing: the tronass graphics, the nuke-orange unis, the cursed astroturf covering the luscious and naturally carnivorous turf of Florida field, and USC not looking like unstoppable beatific badasses. (Likely problem: Polynesian deficiency in roster.) Educational: you had forgotten USC and Florida, the intersectional dream matchup of this millenium, have actually played a home-and-home before, an '82-'83 series resulting in a 17-9 victory in the Swamp where Wilber Marshall had 17 tackles and four sacks, prompting USC coach John Robinson to call him the greatest linebacker he'd ever seen.

If you need further proof the series should happen: the '83 game resulted in a tie, meaning it never happened, and is a functional do-over. If this actually happens, a properly cheeky Coliseum scoreboard operator will start the pregame countdown with a "19-19" posted for posterity's sake.

"Yes, I'd like to buy 900 season tickets. Name? Kane Liffin..." Tennessee has not sold all of their season tickets with a week to go to the season, an unshocking thing given the tendency of people to procrastinate and the lingering fear AD Mike Hamiton has hired a belching football trustafarian as their head coach. Tennessee is so concerned about 900 unsold season tickets they had to light a few stacks of hundred dollar bills on fire in the football offices just to stop the fear-shivers.

Sense and Sensibility, SEC Media Edition. The SEC won't budge on video coverage at all, but the rest of the media policy is rounding into some sensible shape after the Draconian first draft. Por ejemplo:

There are no longer limits on blogging entries, but play-by-play blogging is prohibited.

...because that's not what liveblogging does, anyway, unless you long for the days of Red Barber reading a transcript off the wire and punctuating the action by clacking a bat together and hitting the "applause" button. That's how Beano Cook still listens to the games, at least, and that's how he'll listen to this year's inevitable Notre Dame/Florida matchup. Beano Cook's predictions, as always, are brought to you by Turfman's Leisure Scotch for Gentlemen, the only scotch designed to meet the demands of the modern biplaning sportsman.

Barkley loves football, frisbee, pressure. The Matt Barkley era's announcement gets a mixed reception from the LA press. Barkley in response will lay on floor and dream of frisbee.

Delicious aroma, strong, frothy head, and intoxicating notes of ire. We know nothing about Texas A&M AD Bill Byrne besides his picture and his timely address of fans' concerns over bringing their bass boat seats to use in the stadium. Scipio Tex probably doesn't either, but the physiognomic reading of Byrne's picture in Barking Carnival's review of the Aggie football program deserves some kind of award for Hitchens-with-roboaxe award for slashing with malicious intent and fatal accuracy:

Sometimes appearances are not deceiving. I’m a tremendous fan of thin middle manager glasses over beady mackerel eyes and the White Rain coiffed hairstyle favored only by 1980s news anchormen and Liberty graduates. It speaks of stability and competence. I notice that he’s also clasping one of his hands to prevent it from flailing about like Peter Sellers’ German rocket scientist in Dr. Strangelove. His expression is that of dopey malevolence, suggesting a Hereford crossed with a wolverine. This dude is barely hanging on.

Bravissimo, sirs. "This dude is barely hanging on" may become an internet meme of necessity sooner rather than later.

It's that woo-WOOOO. Our guest spot on the Solid Verbal features discussion of mustaches and much football talk.