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CURIOUS INDEX, 8/26/09

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Anchors Aweigh, My Boys. Get this stuck in your head, and your day cannot help but improve--unless it reminds you of being a janitor at sea for four years, in which case we apologize for the nasty flashbacks. Roger Sterling demands you have a glass of scotch and join him in a rousing chorus in the Xerox room!

It is relevant this morning thanks to Ohio State's Tony Bennett level of classy in requesting a standing O for Navy, who will after losing to the Buckeyes in ClevelandColumbus to open the season finish their careers, stop playing football, and then honor their contracts to serve the United States by serving in the Navy or Marine Corps. Hear, hear, Buckeyes, though you will fall short of being the most courteous major football program they've played recently.

How metaphorical. Lane Kiffin pushed himself so hard during training camp that he eventually drove his car into a ditch.

I was driving home and was about a half mile from home, nodded off, and slipped off the side of the road into the ditch. So they joke around here that I am not allowed to drive any more. They said, 'We are taking your keys, you are too tired to drive anymore. So you are either sleeping here or we are getting you a driver to bring your home.'

THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR NOTHING TO SEE HERE KEEP MOVING K THX. (HT: Joel.

Dennis Dodd remains......confused about trend, statistics, and causality. This will surprise no one who has actually ever read Dennis Dodd or his furious attempts to bat his birdlike skull against the mirror of reality, a kind of repeated smacking of overtaxed brain against window in a vain attempt to make a point. Hey, we asked him to watch Grandpa once. Grandpa liked cigars and scotch, and NOOOO DENNIS WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOO?

Point: Don't let Dennis Dodd attempt to analyze a situation, and especially don't let him watch your wheelchair-bound grandfather, because he will set him on fire on accident.

Quote of the day: "Hate has a way of making people feel alive."

My SHOES cost MORE than your HOUSE. Clay Travis channels Ric Flair in this interview by saying his writing build his three-story house, so suck it, Brando. Tim Brando responded by calling him "psycho," so a duel is imminent, somethin Clay has a clear advantage in since Tim Brando's head is the size of an old Magnavox.

Maurkice Pouncey system, zero defects. Maurkice, half of the Twin Pimpin' Ltd. Offensive Line Connection, returned to practice smoothly after being sidelined with a torn labrum.