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"I'M NOT REALLY A DISCIPLINED RUNNING BACK"

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We all have our limitations. We're not ever going to have a clean shirt, because we've spilled something on it. Said shirt will also never be ironed, and matching pants for said shirt will be wrinkled or stained, because they just get that way after three seconds on our body. In the world of Mad Men, we'd be eating half-consumed hot dogs from a garbage can, completely unable in any way to contribute to society, since we hate jazz, look like hell in anything but a cartoonish suit, and have an attention span of OOH LOOKIE FUN QUOTE:

"I'm really not a disciplined running back," Williams said. "I run my way. I've had coaches who have tried to teach me how to do this, do that. And I just can't do it. At first, it didn't sit well with Coach Hite at all. He's constantly [saying], 'Hammer the hole, hammer the hole. Hammer, hammer, hammer.' He wants to see contact non-stop. I didn't listen to him that much. I try not to make the contact. I try to make the people miss.

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I'M YELLING FOR NO REASON BECAUSE YOU ARE UNCOACHABLE GOOD JOB.

At least Virginia Tech freshman Ryan Williams, the potential replacement for Darren Evans, recognizes his shortcomings and is open about it. "Frankly, coach, I'm uncoachable. Blitz pickup? You'll want someone else in here for that, or Tyrod's gonna be human marmalade smeared on the grass back there. Contact? Contact gets you hurt, coach, and I'm not entering this Maserati in a backwoods demolition derby anytime soon. Also, I only cut to the right. You may think this predictable, but it's my style. Like a cat with its whiskers cut, my inner gyroscope only goes one direction. In fact, if I stand still long enough, I fall over like an imbalanced Weeble. You may want to move, actually. We've been standing here for a while."

Williams was impressive in VT's scrimmage, carrying 6 times for 27 yards and returning a punt 82 yards for a TD. Despite being able to only cut to the right and being completely uncoachable. (HT: Nathan.)