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CURIOUS INDEX, 8/14/09

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Todd_Headlock

Todd. Huh-huh. Todd. Chris Todd. He's so, like, cool. And didn't even practice in the spring and still beat out whatever bag of hot ass the remaining 11 quarterbacks on the roster at Auburn, including Kodi Burns and Tyrik Rollison, who threw for 894 TDS in high school, but still can't beat out a quarterback with the shoulder joint of an 80 year old and incriminating photos of Gus Malzahn strangling a child for the pleasure of Bobby Lowder. Tony Franklin is happy for Todd, The JCCW is up at night climbing the walls, and let's just forget it all and make ironic t-shirts to distract ourselves. #nothingmakessenseatAuburnever.

Excellent attitude, nasty scars. Tyler Moeller, despite having his season stolen by a head injury due to being blindsided in a Florida barfight, is taking the whole "my head looks like a bowling ball carrying bag" thing really, really well. Moeller appeared with staples in head at Buckeye media day a few days after brain surgery to relieve pressure on his brain after an asshole in a Florida restaurant blindsided him during a family dinner. This is a clear violation of public decorum even by Floridian standards, where the only people allowed to cheap-shot you at family gatherings are other family members. (HT: The Doc.)

Jim Harbaugh, dreaming of ownage. Jim Harbaugh can't stop, even in his sleep, dreaming of ownage on the field, and if necessary, to protect our country from those who would destroy it. YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Come for the ACC talk......and stay for the detailed discussion of facial hair, including the trend-of-two theory for Purdue that in order to coach the Boilermakers, one must have a mustache, and our repeated insistence that the goatee is the mustache of the 'naughts. Also discussion of the ACC, of course, especially Virginia Tech, because you know everyone's guessing blindly when one guy's injury not only makes people hesitant, but has them calling bookies rearranging whole tiers of teasers for the season. The ACC doesn't have a favorite, it has a least bad guess.

That's one fired up undead coach. Joe Paterno, on Penn State 2009, sounding like someone who just flew through a JoePa-shaped hole in the wall with whistle, clipboard, and fresh brains in hand:

"What excites me? Nothing excites me yet," Paterno replied. "I'll be honest with you: We're lousy. I have nothing to be excited about right now.

"We have too many things we got to get accomplished. We've got a lot of work ahead of us to be a good football team. I'm excited to be alive, that's all."

We're going to go ahead and just send Paterno a bottle of fine scotch for just existing. (HT: DF)