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DANDIES' COURT: THE HOUSTON NUTT COVER

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Sir Stanley: Gentlemen! I seek philosophical entertainment!

Elrick, Duke of Necessity: Certainly. Today's fox: What is sexy? Discuss!

Sir Stanley: Why sir, I had no idea you would play right into my hands! In my studies of the colonies and their primitive yet exotic derivative of our own culture, I have come across one thing they do excel at: the iconography of the sexy. I attribute to their mongrel blood, as they are too close to the base passions that rule us all, and therefore incapable of escaping it in the fine Alpine tower of reason as we do.

Elrick: Quite. But you have diverged from our path of inquiry, have you not?

Sir Stanley: So easily lost in the thorns, Elrick, and yet a nose away from the rose! Not at all, Elrick. For instance, I will show you using an experiment of PURE SCIENCE what sexy is. A sample from the colonies I believe you'll find especially compelling. I will apply the following picture, a sample of pure sex, to the following array of items arranged on that table over there. Are you prepared, Elrick?

Elrick, Duke of Necessity: As ever, friend. Experiment away.

Sir Stanley: And...begin:

Sir Stanley unveils the picture.

Sir Stanley: And we observe its effects!

nuttpantiesflyin

Elrick, Duke of Necessity: Why, the panties seem to have a particularly strong reaction there.

soaringthongs

Panties: Wheeeeeee we're flying!!!!

Sir Stanley: Yes, let's turn it now--careful, don't get in its path, the rays could be quite powerful--and point it at that row of champagne bottles over there.

Picture 8

Elrick Duke of Necessity: Wait, now, that's our morning's ration there--

Picture 9

Silence.

Sir Stanley: Um, why, I....

Elrick Duke of Necessity: We're not speaking for a week. Also, I'm off to drink all the cooking sherry out of the cabinet and rumpus around with your maid as revenge. Your lack of objections to my plan will be your apology.

Sir Stanley. Why, um, yes. Yes.

(HT: FOTP.)