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FULMER CUPDATE: ARKANSAS ATHLETIC STEALS LAPTOP

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All society really requires from people to just get their shit together. Not in optimal shape, or even in good shape: merely together, as in barely functioning above marginally dysfunctional.

We think this a lot when driving behind handicapped drivers, who rank with Ethiopian cabbies (two speeds: 15 mph or 70 mph) and old men as the world's worst drivers by discriminatory category. We're very sorry life has done something to you to give you the little pac-man-eating-a-seated-man on your car's license plate, but it by no means excuses blowing through stop signs. driving ten miles under the speed limit at all times, or breezing across four lanes of traffic without using a turn signal.

Just get your shit together, stop attempting to recruit others into the handicapped drivers' club by causing accidents, and allow us to cause our own accidents by attempting to blog and eat a Chik-Fil-A number one meal all by ourselves. (The broken bones came from a pull-up bar--just imagine what we're capable of with a car!)

The same could be said for Arkansas defensive tackle Lavunce Askew, arrested for taking a laptop with teammate linebacker Matt Marshall. Marshall and Askew allegedly took the items from an unnamed complainant in the middle of the night. Marshall was seen returning the iPhone the following morning.Then this happened:

Askew pulled up while police were questioning Marshall, had the laptop and admitted to taking it, according to the report. He said he was going to use it for school. Askew was placed under arrest.

Oh, for school? Well, just go on your way young man no don't I'm kidding put your hands on the hood of the car. Your shit, together it must be. That's felony theft, and three points in the Fulmer Cup for Arkansas, who already have had a great week thanks to Ryan Mallett breaking his ring finger while lifting weights and missing summer practice.

ps. Another Arkansas "athletic" was arrested this past week, too. See excellent typo in that article for title reference.