Mess with the master, get the master stroke. Let us now speak kindly of talk radio. One of the ballsier things we've ever heard in talk radio ever came when Nick Cellini of 790 the Zone--who always swore he would talk directly to someone he'd trashed on air and say the same thing--told Tony Siragusa he was the worst player he'd ever seen in the NFL during an interview.
This went about as well as you think it would, as Siragusa immediately retreated behind the tired canard of "Where did you play, huh?" The point stood, though: it's particularly powerful if you'll say the exact same thing to someone's face that you broadcast using any number of fabulous modern media.
Enter Steve Spurrier, Kiffykins, and the proper way to utilize the extremely uncomfortable and increasingly antiquated method of talking to someone's face.
Told of Kiffin's comment late Tuesday, Spurrier shook his head and faced Kiffin, who was waiting for an elevator with a couple other coaches. "I didn't accuse you of cheating," Spurrier told Kiffin. "I said, 'Is it permissible to call recruits before he's announced as head coach, before you take the test?"
Spurrier then turned back toward reporters and told them Kiffin took the test online and was unaware that was allowed. Kiffin's face turned red during the 40-second exchange and said something that was inaudible.
What didda didda didda SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP
JR! We can't believe you said that to Sue Ellen! Holly's guess as to Kiffin's remarks was "my dad can beat up your dad." Ours? "Name. Name. Stan? Stuart? Remember, Lane! Remember!" The lesson stands: talking to someone face to face is the scariest thing in the world for some people, especially when the person on the other end fears only Tom Osborne.
And no:did not ask for adjoining rooms with Urban Meyer. Meyer was in the room over Kiffin, though, threading a monofilament line through a tiny hole in the ceiling, patiently dripping poison down the thread into the gaping, snoring mouth of a soundly sleeping Kiffin.
Cowardice option, enabled. Speaking of not saying things to someone's face: now additional fun and detective work will be required to triangulate just who voted for whom in the final coaches poll. Starting in 2010 the final ballot will likely be secret, according to USA Today. The ballot with "1. Texas, 2. Texas, 3. Texas" is Mack Brown's.
In case Your School versus Sacrifice Tech doesn't do it: The E'er fearless Boise State Broncos will begin their season on September 3rd against Oregon, reminding both that the Broncos do not geld their schedule unlike some other programs (holding nose, pointing at ourselves,) but also that the football season is only 99 days away, and that we won't be starting a fancy countdown until 50 or so, and that run-on sentences were definitely a problem for us in English class.
Finally: Anecdotal evidence that Tim Tebow is planning to pull a Galahad on this impure world of ours.
CURIOUS INDEX, 5/27/09