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CURIOUS INDEX, 5/15/2009

Lee Corso: "Never Argue With A Camera." Corso: "Many people in this room gamble." The most interesting item in this extremely energetic and sweaty talk covers why they don't make points-specific predictions on Gameday.

Corso also believes the reason the Rose Bowl survives is because people love to watch future compost heaps roll on wheels through downtown Pasadena. College football's inexorable march to a playoff is being held hostage by gardeners. Get us a spray can of weed killer and a truck full of rabbits and we'll take care of this shit ASAP, Lee.

No points awarded, but the lethargy is impressive. Michigan tailback Kevin Grady has failed to comply with any of the terms of his probation for a DUI in 2008 where Grady blew a 0.281 BAC HOLY SHIT IS HE LITHUANIAN--

Apologies. While Grady lags behind the greats of the field, he did almost blow his number as a BAC count, and should get some pats on the back for that random and amusing feat. (No FC points, though, as violating probation is technically tied to a case previously scored, and not a new offense.)

Pac-10: Strug-guh-ling. Music to our ears, you float-worshipping bastard obstructionists. We hope you choke. (On miracle-gro and chicken wire.)

Wishful thinking makes the nights less desperate and mosquito-filled. Steve Spurrier said the future of the Gamecock program is in Steven Garcia's hands the other day. Then, he revived the Urban Meyer-to-Notre Dame rumors, and to conclude the hat trick, he turned around, remembered he was coaching the official state football program of South Carolina, and went back to his office and wept for 45 minutes straight.

Give me your tired, your poor, your rape-y masses. Kiffin lifts his lamp by the Tennessee shore (and is hit with two barrels of buckshot fer bein' on privet propurtay!)