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CURIOUS INDEX, 5/13/2009

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Numbers don't lie. That's Jim Delany's job. Braves and Birds puts together the yards per play stats from BCS title winners, and it's both enlightening and ego-stroking stuff for Florida fans. Because, you know, you were out there throwing blocks for Percy and screaming "LEEEEEEROOOOOOOYYY....JENKINS!" while crushing receivers in
coverage 'n stuff yourself.

Florida 2008 had the best combined numbers of any team in the BCS era, while Ohio State's 2002 team was the worst, and according to Michael "had no business winning a national title." Take no offense, Buckeye fans; if our team had won a national title on the slimmest of margins and had driven a Kia through the gates of Championship Mansion successfully, we'd glory in that, even if it reminded us that the downside of being so conservative strategically is that the Craig Krenzels of the world get rings, while your Troy Smiths get nada. Kids, don't turn the ball over against Ole Miss. It'll haunt you for the rest of your natural lives.

That is bullshit. If we stick around long enough, perhaps we can win some poor journalist an award for best sodomy joke, just as the Tennessee blogosphere helped Jimmy Hyams win an award. Our approach to any awards remains this until we actually win one, at which point we will make no public appearances without it and carry it around like a newborn puppy.

Your Heartwarming and Humbling Tyrone Prothro Update. The former Alabama receiver hung around Jacksonville's minicamp thanks to an invite from Jaguars' assistant coach Mike Shula, picking up tips from the staff on coaching, running around a bit, and doing what we could not do, which is shake an angry fist at the heavens and blame whatever malevolent god had snapped our leg in two.

Your Not-Heartwarming and Humbling Quincy Carter update. Or you could be dealing with your post-collegiate woes this way.

This is extremely unlikely......meaning it will happen again this fall. So glad the Big 12 decided not to change that. We detest sensible improvements. No, no plans to put in a staircase in this house. If you're serious about getting to the second floor, you'll get up there.

Delaware: about to be 100% more awesome. Legalized sports betting remains alive in the state legislature. Joe Biden wants a deuce on the Rockets, a billy on the filly in third at Aqueduct, and five more Bud Light tall boys for he and his boys here before they gotta get rowdy with yer slow ass, ifyaknowwhattamean.