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THE VAUDEVILLE COMEDIANS' SPRING ROUNDUP

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Two stylish gentlemen enter the stage after the Garland Family completes their musical entertainments. Borfdern and Glomacher wear straw hats, white pants, and striped summer-weight wool jackets.

glomacher

Borfdern: Say, Glomacher: fair weather we're having here.

Glomacher: Boldfern, there's nothing fair about it. It's cheating to live this well!

Borfdern: Like your wife!

Glomacher: The Spanish Curse. I'll never live it down!

Chuckles throughout audience of gentlemen and ladies out on the town for the night.

Borfdern: Did you see young Pete Carroll wearing a girdle the other day?

Glomacher: No! Was it because he was feeling Corp-ulent?

Titters.

Glomacher: Boldfern, do you fancy Cox of Georgia at quarterback?

Boldfern: I'd rather have the whole man, frankly!

Glomacher: So would your wife!

Guffaws.

Boldfern: Untrue! She's mostly interested in the marital baton, Glomacher. Say, did you see the comments regarding Nick Sheridan at Michigan, Glomacher?

Glomacher: Yes. Seems like more of a threet than a prediction, my good man!

HUZZAHs.

Boldfern: Say, Glomacher. Did you see the story about the five star recruits who were arrested?

Glomacher: I heard they charged with a constellation of felonies, Bolfdern!

Boldfern: A stellar answer, Glomacher!

Glomacher: Perilloux-sly accurate!

Boldfern: Say, Glomacher, what's worse: Auburn's quarterback situation or your addiction to arson?

Glomacher: Both involve troubling Burns!

Applause.

Glomacher: And the sweet screams of the innocent.

Boldfern: Ha! My Dutch jewish tailor told me to put my money on Penn State. What say you to that?

Glomacher: That at the end of the season, his bookie will be Paterno'wed a king's ransom for such a bet!

Groans.

Glomacher: They've turned on us! Quickly now, before they get out the rail and feathers!

Boldfern: Quickly! To the one-liners! What's black on the bottom, white on the top, and deep in the red?

Glomacher: A zebra crushed in an hydraulic press!

Boldfern: No! Jesus smoking Popes, what the fuck is wrong with you? Regains composure. College football, Glomacher! Next: What do college football and the city of Atlanta have in common?

Glomacher: Both could be burned by Sherman! My turn: Lane Kiffin!

Boldfern: That's not a joke.

Glomacher: 'Tis!

Boldfern! HA!

STANDING OVATION.