CURIOUS INDEX, 5/1/2009

Louisville's finest. We're currently in Louisville for the Derby. We know this city for three things: it's where the Derby is, it's where our grandfather's heart exploded, and it's where Hunter S. Thompson got his start as an middle class petty hoodlum.

When we walked out at nine this morning, the lobby was full of people with cocktails in hand. WOOOOO DERBY.

Don't mess with T. Kyle. Perhaps he's just being contrarian, but T. Kyle King drops a hefty ton or two of barrister assault ordnance on Mike Leach, who Counselor King, contrary to the rest of the blogosphere, does not fancy. That's how you look in your rearview and see the Black Pearl gaining on you in the left lane at 80 miles an hour, sir.

He's honest. Joe Paterno openly admits what you already knew about his role as football coach over the past two years: that he didn't do much.

"Last year all I did was supervise. I was more of an observer," Paterno said of his 11-2 team that lost to Southern California in the Rose Bowl. "I have a heck of a staff. Those two years I didn't do much. Last year we had a pretty good football team, and I didn't do much."

It's all different this year, as JoePa can actually walk now, and is probably going to be slightly more involved in things. In the same article, he also mentions dating Joe Torre's sister, who he describes as "chubby, but cute." Yeah, he called you fat. Look at him, he's skinny.

"The appropriate time" being "when he wins." Randy Shannon's contract extension is none of your damn business, per Miami's Athletic Director.

That'll get your scholarship yanked. UNC has revoked Angelo Hadley's scholarship offer after his arrest for lewd and lascivious conduct, grand theft, grand theft of a firearm and armed burglary of a dwelling. How does one pick up all of those at once, you ask?

According to deputies, Hadley, 18, was having sex with a 14-year-old girl as his two brothers burglarized her east Hillsborough home one night between Feb. 15 and 19.

If you open the door for the guys while keeping the girl busy with your penis, of course. The 14 year old girl, while you are 18.

BONUS! Wait, that's not what the scoreboard looks like for you?