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CURIOUS INDEX, 4/22/2009

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Zack Dumas, Stacey Danley. Fuck coffee. You want violence to start your day, and sweet
controlled violence we will give you.

This was one of those horrid, slo-mo NOOOOOOOO swing passes where you can sense the defender screaming in from off-screen before the play has even really started. It fired up the team, too--Auburn, who reeled off 28 points in claiming a 31-14 victory over an Ohio State team held to 84 yards of total offense in the game in the 1990 Hall of Fame Bowl. Yes, Auburn did score over thirty points once in a victory that did not end with a field goal CURSES WES BYRUM CURSE YOUR DAMNED FOOT.

Cost the university money? They deeyud, they deeeeyud: Florida State has spent over $200K on their legal fees for appeals in their academic fraud case with the NCAA, a fun fact to note in the midst of a university-wide budget crunch that may cost Florida State some of their academic programs and staff. Professor Maggie Simpson has agreed to take a voluntary pay cut, but whether others will follow is unclear, especially the staff of Florida State's well-known Pager Repair program.

We like to take off our clothes for the young boys. We like how Lane Kiffin is never wearing any clothes in these. Who do you think you are, Ian Rapaport with that "Nick" shit?

I know you all hate me, but... The Mountain West makes a proposal for a playoff to the BCS, a 90 minute presentation listened to by a room full of conference commissioners and BCS types who spent the entire time making the universally recognized motion for jerking off while pointing and smirking. "I don't think it would be appropriate to dismiss it out of hand," said John Swofford, who then turned to reporters and made a cartoonishly large jerking off gesture to the snickering media while rolling his eyes.

Corp-ulence. Aaron Corp will live the fat life as USC's starter, and will wear the ceremonial Leinart codpiece for USC's scrimmage. Wash that shit out prior to use, Corp. You know where that's been.