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CURIOUS INDEX, 4/15/2009

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We give you 3/2 odds on this song. If Lane Kiffin is blasting hip-hop to motivate the troops, there is exactly zero chance it is NOT this song. It'll make you want to rip off your wrinkle-free Van Heusen shirt!

MINGOVIANS! Do not use any kind of url reloading or foolishness, lest you get Barkevious disqualified. He needs not the help of your digital performance enhancers.

And you shall have new training whether you like it or not. An investigation into the 2005 death of Mizzou football player Aaron O'Neal showed a general lack of familiarity with emergency situations involving intense exercise and side effects of sickle cell anemia, which 8-10 percent of African Americans have. Some of them happen to play college football, which means trainers and coaches are going to get a shitload of new training to avoid unnecessary deaths first, and to avoid paying out million dollar settlements second. Sometime it pays to have lawyers telling about all the bad things that could happen, because sometimes they do.

Calling all Cock-loving ladies. Steve Spurrier's got what you need.

Gruesome workouts as an antidote to complacency? Hasn't worked for us. Unless it involves something like eight hour mat drills and Bridge on the River Kwai box sessions, we can't imagine what could be worse than the misery Mickey Marotti already inflicts on Florida players in the offseason. Ring that bell, G.I. Jane. It's ready when you are.