Track guy: Here, Coach. Hold the starter's pistol for the photo, okay? You ready to go?
Jim Tressel: Oh, I'm past ready. I've passed the point of no return. Do you know what that is? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning. It's like when those astronauts got in trouble. I don't know, somebody messed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. They were on the other side of the moon and were out of contact for like hours. Everybody waited to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now and everybody is going to have to wait until I pop out.
Track guy: Um, that's just a starter's pistol, Coach. It can't kill anyone.
Tressel: Oh, um...very well. Great work you're doing here. Have a great day. (whistles, walks away.)
(HT: Jeff via this.)