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CURIOUS INDEX, 4/9/2009

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Antwaan Randle-Lewis. Student reporting on Indiana's move of qb Kellen Lewis, their most productive player and best athlete, to wide receiver, where he can line up all over the field, make plays, and watch as his quarterback is sacked in plays he would get out of if he were playing qb.

No, we're not skeptical. Skeptics also by definition think there's the possibility of success. Pessimists think something won't work, which is precisely the case here.

Statistics can't measure the absolute zero of his soul. But they do show that Bobby Petrino actually did a phenomenal job converting the Razorbacks into a passing team this season, early struggles against the multidirectionals of the world aside. Also--surprise!--score points and prevent points, and you'll win the SEC, as Florida did by a wide margin in the SEC East. (HT: Blutarsky.)

It's 3:00 a.m., and Bill Snyder is eating his morning meal of boiled bat. Bill Snyder has his assistants back up to 15 hour days, necessary by any measure in order to break down all that film of McNeese State. He's also quite funny according to his coaches, which insane people can appear to the sane until you remember: they're completely batshit crazy, and watching film while eating whole bats at 3 in the morning.

My God, that's beautiful penmanship. TNIAAM has Doug Marrone's amazing penmanship on display. Mike Leach likes to go deep in the font collection, too: initially he was a verdana man, and then moved to Garamond, but now he sends out his memos in wingdings and just makes you figure it out, dude.

What can you buy for 3 million dollars? Not reading comprehension, sadly. Also, we thought "After 9/11 we'd be a lot nicer" is officially the stupidest fucking thing we've ever heard. We thought that after 9/11, we'd...we'd be this person, actually. And we are.