COACH STEW SAYS THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU DEFAME TOBY KEITH

What caused this?

--Kickers talked shit about the Mandrell sisters.

--Wouldn't buy his granddaughter's scout cookies

--One of them touched his prize musket, Libertyface.

--Didn't bring enough moonshine for everyone.

--One of them called him "Coach Rodriguez."

--All four wore flat-front pants to their meeting (GENTLEMEN WEAR PLEATS.)

--Attempted to beg out of running due to "black lung" when they know that's no excuse in Morgantown, son.

--Were Twittering during their meeting.

--Didn't salute photo of Matlock posted next to door.

--Giggled when secretary entered and told Coach Stewart "It's Johnny Dingle on line one."

--Suggested way for team to be better at football in 2009 was "to not have us kick as many field goals, and score more touchdowns."

--Knows that the way to get a team's attention is to get tough on the guys who used to play soccer. Yes, that's it.

--Compared Hank Williams unfavorably to Hank Williams III within earshot.