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Five ain't happenin' raight now. I think their estimates of half a million at Tennessee's practices do not jibe with the reported numbers, but sure. There's nothing else going on. A HALF A MILLION PEOPLE SHOWED UP FOR TENNESSEE'S PRACTICE.

You'll inevitably comment, "Wow, that's ten minutes, which is a Von Stroeheim five hour epic on the internet." Sadly, you'll watch the whole thing, because now that Eastbound and Down is done, you have nothing left to do for the next five months except watch your coach tame babies and rewatch the scene of Katy Mixon baring her magnificent breasts for all the world to see in episode six. I love you honey, but you have clothes like a dickhead.

You guys, just take the next seven months off. Cincinnati is going to have to rely on its offense. Decided! In March! Defense, you're off the hook. Mill about and tackle someone who looks as if they're going too fast for their own good.

Ohio State gets money. The Buckeyes sold their licensing rights to IMG for $110 million for the next ten years. IMG represents, among many, many other people, Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer, who is set to come to Ohio State to rid the entire crowd of its pesky behavioral tics of peeing all over the place and occasionally becoming too aggressive with others. BE THE ALPHA, Tressel. They must respect this.

He's healing quickly, just like your liver used to. Patrick Edwards, last seen writhing on the ground at Marshall with his leg in two pieces, plans on playing this year.

He's getting better at it every day. [TWITTER REDACTED]. He couldn't bear the thought of Tim Brewster using more caps than he did. We expect waterskiing pictures, and if we do not get them, we'll...well, nothing will change, really.