We sat down with Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema for a springtime review of the Badgers going into the spring. We didn't just talk football, though!
Q: Coach Bielema, how do you rebound from last season?
A: [LOUD FARTING NOISE INTO PHONE]
Q: Coach Bielema?
A: Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Must have been some...interference on the call. What do you mean?
Q: Wisconsin went 7-6, going 3-5 in the Big Ten and losing its bowl game 42-14 to Florida State--
A: I dunno. You tell me if you're so smart. I didn't major in being a pussy, I majored in pussy.
Q: Well, that's why I'm asking you. You're the coach. Wait, did you just--
A: Fuckin' right I am. I'm the coach. I piss where I say I'm gonna piss.
Q: Wait, did you just--
A: [sings in high voice quietly] craaaaaawling iiiin my skiiin...I fuckin' love Linkin Park. You like 'em, or you too cool to rock?
Q: I'm really trying to go back to that prior statement, you said you piss where you want to piss? What--
A: I extrapotated no such thing from my instatements. You're the one inseminating, not me.
Q: Wait, I wanna go back and revisit that prior statement. You said, "I majored in pussy?"
A: I didn't say that.
Q: No, wait, it sounded a lot like--
A: WAX MY TRUCK, BITCH! [/giggles, sips something]
Q: I'm sorry, Coach. Are you--
A: I'm just kidding with you, man. Go ahead and ask your question.
Q: So I was going to--
A: I can't help what you hear. All I know is that we're gonna kick ass this year. That's what TwoBeez is about.
Q: Does that reference your name? I'm confused--
A: No, it references my balls, dipnuts.
Q: I'm sorry?
A: We have a lot of work to do this spring and I'm looking forward to it.
Q: Thanks for joining us, Coach Bielema.
A: WAX MY TRUCK, BITCH!
Q: Excuse me, but--
A: [LOUD FARTING NOISE] [click!] [/dialtone]