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FULMER CUP: UCLA DISOBEYS NO TOUCHING RULE

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There are no facts in life, only correlation. Okay, this may be an exaggeration: God hates Florida State, handicapped people are inevitably atrocious drivers, and mixing red and white wine on the same night will give you a Hitchens Headband like nothing you've ever experienced. These are three actual facts. We feel safe in assuming the rest of the universe is correlation and little more.

Correlation: Rick Neuheisel gets a job coaching football, and players begin getting in trouble. New data points, presented:

Woods, a 19-year-old freshman, was charged with two counts of sexual battery and four counts of battery. He could face up to one year in jail for each sexual battery charge and six months for each battery charge.

That's E.J. Woods, a freshman corner who racked six possible misdemeanors in a series of alleged gropings and subsequent encounters with those who thought his man coverage was a little too tight and crossed the line into holding of an unlawful sort. This really is the first major tiff for Neuheisel at UCLA in what has thus far been a tranquil stay for him in Westwood, a stay which has nothing to do with past program mismanagement since everyone deserves a second chance, and then a third, and possibly a fourth if you're feeling charitable.

Woods will be arraigned on April 6th, so for the meantime we award UCLA a conservative six points in the Fulmer Cup, and refuse to attach current trouble at UCLA to Neuheisel's past programmatic troubles, because that would be unfair, especially when we're talking about a hot, toned MILF like Neuheisel.