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CURIOUS INDEX, 3/12/09

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Run, Fat Boy, Run. Andre Smith's pro day did NOT go well, though you'd hardly know it from al.com's "well, at least he didn't vomit while running" summation of the day. Smith ran with his shirt off. This was a mistake.

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According to PFT, Smith lost "millions" in the words of an AFC East scout, who being from the northeast is not at all prone to exaggeration when it comes to things. ("There's no deli like Luttmann's! Bear Stearns is FINE! There's Springsteen, and there's everyone else!")

Darius Heyward-Bey, however......will likely complete the hat trick of running a fast 40, deluding pro scouts about his lack of hands and collegiate production, and then cashing a huge signing bonus before going on to a meh-ish pro career. It's happening, and we couldn't be happier, because things making NFL GMs look like paint-chugging fools make us smirre.

This is West Virginia. We're serious about grammar. West Virginia offensive coordinator Jeff Mullen says respect yo diction, son, in regards to discussing West Virginia's uncertain depth chart past starting qb Jarrett Brown and starting RB Noel Devine.

Yet Mullen has kept his sense of humor. Ask him, for instance, about his 2009 crop of quarterbacks and running backs.

"You mean running back? Quarterback?'' he deadpanned. "Careful with those plurals.''

The Bill Stewart era: a fun-filled coal cart ride straight from the scene in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, except you don't know if you're going to fly harmlessly over the pits of pure flame, or dive headlong into them.

Oregon juggling offensive linemen. They're heavy, they don't like being thrown in the air, and everyone hates a juggler anyway, because people who juggle at parties are likely to break out the hippie sticks, hacky sack, or other pitiful prehistoric toys designed to get people to sleep with you at ren fairs. But Oregon has to juggle linemen this spring after losing three starters to graduation and two likely fall starters to springtime injury.

You can spell math without "MAC". Math continues to befuddle the schedule gods at the MAC.