clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


New, 15 comments

Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat

It's time to slowly roll out rosters and begin plugging names into the little sim models you have running in your head, but as you do remember one thing: assume nothing. Or as little as possible. Looking at last season, we thought a lot of things were near-certainties, like LSU's unstoppable talent winning out over coaching changes and lack of an established qb, or Georgia's invincibility pre-injury, or that Mizzou's defense would materialize from nowhere and turn them into something other than a very accomplished gang of shootout artists.

We all think the Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs pose no threat. And yet, every season, they come to spit acid at us, toss cars as if they were toys, and do shocking things like beat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. Remember them, citizen, and listen to your inner Jeff-Goldblum-as-motormouthed-eccentric-genius when casting an eye to next season.

Sporting News Bits:

--Hey, Dhani Jones is dressed extremely impractically, but with reason, as he has stolen my dream job.

--What on earth could such a witty license plate mean? Given the sagacious Seminoles, there's simply no fathoming it!