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WE MAY HAVE A NEW FAVORITE PUNTER

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College football denizens, we only have one year left with Zoltan Mesko, the Space Emperor of Michigan and senior punter whose fantastic name and excellent punting are but an accessory to his role as ruler of several of the galaxy's sexiest quadrants. While he has been kind enough to entertain we puny mortals for this long, we must sadly prepare to find a new Most Favored Punter, and the search cannot begin soon enough.

Space Emperor fake punt sneak attack against Notre Dame!

Fortunately for us, we have a new leader: Dawson Zimmerman, the punter for Clemson keeping a journal of his spring practice thoughts for Scout. Negatives: despite the last name, Zimmerman is not Jewish, and therefore not a member of the treasured pantheon of Legendary Jewish Punters like Hayden Epstein, Josh Miller, and...yes, Hayden Epstein. Bonuses: he's flexing that 710 reading comprehension score like there's no tomorrow.

MARCH 9 - Today, I ran out onto the brown dead grass and thought to myself— my time has come at last. The freezing temperatures have come and gone, mat drills have concluded, and it is now time for me to become immortal. An apotheosis, if you will.

HALF PUNTER; HALF GOD. Dabo Swinney has them thinking big at Clemson. If Zimmerman drops lines like "A live football and a dead one have the same number of particles," we'll know they're buying in at a frightening rate to the Swinney superhero plan.