Torrey Davis, the Florida defensive tackle knifing in on the fourth and goal stand there, is not dead, booted off the team, bolted at the ankle to a tutor, or any other such foolishness as you may have heard. According to Jeremy Fowler of the Orlando Sentinel, Florida is not giving up on Davis, even though he’s in some kind of unspecified trouble of the sprained cerebrum variety. We will now give you the fair and balanced evaluation of such a case as viewed through the complete spectrum of sports blogging.
Pro-Florida: Urban Meyer’s not just about scoring on the field. He wants to make sure his players cross the goal line in the classroom, too.
Anti-Florida: Urban Crier just cain’t stop cheatin’ ARP! Top one percenna one percent my ass!
We congratulate our program for boldly demonstrating love and patience with a powerfully built, shockingly agile young man with academic issues. S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!
A conversation with another college football blogger via IM, after finding out Randy Shannon liked the movie 300:
CFBlogger: So, so disappointing.
Orson: What coach won’t like that movie?
CFBlogger: A humanistic coach with a sense of pacing, scale, acting and suspicion of fascistic undertones?
Orson: All coaches love fascism.
CFBlogger: It works for them.
Many coaches attempt to defuse the tension before games by having a team movie night, or by cutting up Gladiator-type action flicks into dramatic montages for motivation. (If Mike Leach’s trend of one is any indication, watching teen vampire soft-core porn before big games is a strong indicator of future FAIL.) This led to the concept of “Name a movie that is completely useless to a coach,” or better still, “movies one should not show to your team ever, ever, ever prior to a game.”
A quick list of five films completely devoid of motivation to a football coach follow in no particular order:
5. Twilight. It has a one game losing streak as pregame movie of choice, and why not: little could be less motivating to a man seeking to lead a team to victory than the sad reminder that what women really want in their heart of hearts is a spellbinding but cold-blooded lover they can never attain. And unless you’re an Alabama, LSU, or Michigan State fan or in love with a vampire, you’ll never really know what that feels like.
4. The Perfect Storm. Never has a movie so willingly cut its balls off after demonstrating such great testicular potential. (more…)
We’re…thpeechless. Oh, Christ. Lou Holth. Sean Hannity.
We’re…out of words. (HT: Team Speed Kills.)
Larry Coker, bringing our economy back one job at a time. Larry Coker believes in hard work, which is why he’s not picking up a paycheck for taking Sean Hannity’s hand up his ass and puppeting away, and will instead be signed on to be the first coach at the building UT-San Antonio football program.
Monte Kiffin: He plays in the bridge club on Thursdays after the early bird like a kid! Monte Kiffin is surprisingly undead for a breathing guy still alive and stuff:
“Man,” said one coach. “That guy has so much enthusiasm for football.”
“And for life,” a colleague added.
Because it’s so usual to find coaches who have so much enthusiasm for football, but not life. “Ted, he’s one of the best coaches I’ve seen, but the minute he leaves this office he turns into a joyless, dessicated husk of a man incapable of opening his own car doors due to life’s sadness crushing him with every step he takes away from the football field.” Unless we’re talking about Bill Snyder, this simply isn’t very common. (Bill Snyder: not visible in mirrors.)
Mandy Moore’s performance is moving. It must be, if A Walk to Remember made James Lauranaitis weep. We’ll watch this movie when we get our foot caught in a bear trap walking through our own house. Now, Two Can Play At That Game, with Vivica Fox and Morris Chestnutt? THAT’S a film of undeniable magnetism. You’ve flipped the script on him, girl! [/BET'd]
THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM Drop links, tips, and chat in 150 character bursts with the fellow members of the commentariat.
Sponsor Us
If you are interested in advertising on this site, please contact Donnie (don.lacuran@gmail.com)
ORSON SWINDLE FAQs Got leisure time? Care to waste it? Learn more about Orson Swindle here.
AT THE SPORTING NEWS
Profanity-free writing under a strange name.
EDSBS Store
Live it. Love it. Wear it until it's ripped from your body by envious hordes of tailgaters.
Locker Room
About us
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Contact
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
Lake The Posts Northwestern football, which is purple and smarter than you and no thank you would NOT like a ten win season at the cost of academic integrity, thank you very much.
Maize ‘n Brew And still yet another strong, funny, and literate Michigan blogger. Embarrassment of riches over there, really.
MGoBlog The horribly, admirably partisan Kodiak Bear of UM Blogs
