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FULMER CUP: BIRDS AND BEASTS

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From least to most potentially calamitous, today's specials:

Antron Mason, DB, ULM

antron

Hometown boy makes good, where "makes good" implies "breaks into two cars to steal stereo equipment and does so in the presence of video cameras." 2 points.

Damion Fletcher, RB, and Brennan Houston, OL, Southern Miss

mugs

Discharging a firearm and possession, respectively. Hinton's taking it well:

Fletcher, off three straight 1,300-yard seasons, is only the leading rusher in school history and the active career leader in rushing yards nationally. So, you know, no biggie, unless you put stock in things like a proven, consistent track record of performance no other player in the same position has ever matched over a comparable period of time.

We're iffy on the gun charge, but for the moment will award these fine gentlemen 2 points each.

Carl Johnson, OL, Florida

carl

Arrested for violating a restraining order. And mercy, this has the potential to get creepy, fast: "According to the report, Johnson was served with a temporary injunction for protection against sexual violence on Feb. 9, and he knowingly violated the order." Details are sketchy, but for now, 2 points.

(Please note that all point totals are estimations only and will be evaluated by the commish upon his triumphant, rum-soaked return. Girls can't do math, see.)