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CURIOUS INDEX, 2/13/2009

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Run! Fire! With the announcement of the ACC's schedule this week comes two nasty bits of news. First, Miami and Florida State will frontload the Labor Day schedule, thus exciting oldsters who remember when this game was awesome and meant watching Bobby Bowden crap a kidney as his kicker marched out to miss a potential game-winning field goal. Aged harm-joy: it's the sweetest vintage.

The second is HOLY JEBUS look at Miami's first four games: at Florida State, Georgia Tech at home (The same team that ran for 400 plus yards on them last year,) at Virginia Tech, and then getting Oklahoma at home. 0-4 is a real possibility for Miami, who may be running from a smoke machine out of the tunnel, or who may be trying to escape the flames of their potentially catastrophic early season.

sebastianfarts1
That's not Warren Sapp warming up the locker room RUN RUN RUN!!!

In that same Sentinel article, there's also the news that UM hired John Lovett, UNC special teams coach and assistant coach, to coach their defense, which will still receive intense scrutiny and coaching from Randy Shannon, most likely. Oh, and Brandon Marti, former 'Cane kicked off the team last year, was arrested for doing the white guy with dreads thing, which really is a 3rd degree felony of sorts all by itself.

Kirk Ferentz gets his butt kicked in...BY MAMMON. The new deal for Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz takes him through the age of sixty, making the contract a lifetime deal in effect. As a reminder: Iowa has had two coaches in the past 37 years. The new deal also includes incentives for assistant coaches based on performance yielding bonuses, which in turn would yield more Garbage Pail Kids for everyone.

Fix nothing but his joke telling skills. Scott Loeffler, new qb coach for Florida, plans nothing but tweaks for Tim Tebow. Matt Patchan may be protecting the Great Tadger Trimmer, as he has moved back to the offensive line after volunteering to move to defense for his freshman year.

MGoBeg. Give money to MGoBlog, or WLA will take it over and start the proletarian revolution, and you know what that means: let's shoot everyone with glasses or money or both. Given blog readership, that's pretty much all of you, so cough it up.

Bryce Brown: Taffy Seduction. Bryce Brown is leaning toward LSU, which he describes as "for real." Brigadoon University and other imaginary schools said to be heartbroken at the news.