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VIVA VIVA VIVA! USC's band always wins at cards, too:

"250 pounds of concrete cyanide." This is Jon Gruden's description of Tim Tebow, an especially lyrical bit of language considering its source brain has not slept more than four hours since adolescence, and is probably functioning ten to twenty points below max capacity as a result of sleep deprivation. This is complimentary and completely factual, and makes you think Gruden is sane. Ahem.

I want to go to Al Groh's camp in Virginia. I love the way Al Groh coaches that football team.

Early onset dementia: it'll show up one way or another, one day or another. Gruden claims he wants to learn more about the spread offense, especially Chip Kelly's system at Oregon, so he can go back to the pros, ignore it, and begin every series with an I-Formation run for one and a half yards.

You have angered the Pahokee Chamber of Commerce. Prepare for hell. Further apologies from Lane Kiffin, who blabbed about tradecraft in public regarding the recruitment of Nu'Keese Richardson and the staff's insistence on Richardson's aunts using a junior high's fax machine instead of Pahokee High's, because, you know...things happen.

"They didn't go do it at the school because they knew somebody at the school was going to screw it up, the fax machine wouldn't work or they would have changed the signatures. All the things that go on in Pahokee, now.

Milt Bearden would not be proud, Lane. Not at all. Kiffykins has apologized, saying he was really excited after all the recruiting, and a bit dazed from getting into a whole pack of Pixie Sticks and then finding out someone MADE A WEBSITE FOR HIM 'N EVRYTHANG. (HT: Blutarsky.)

Coaches Who Are Lawyers Tend to Notice These Things. Leach and Texas Tech are at loggerheads over the coach's contract--so much so that Mike Leach's agent is channeling Samuel Johnson:

In a follow-up letter, Myers accused Baldwin of insubordination because he contacted board members directly. Baldwin's last letter to Myers, dated Jan. 28, had a sharp retort.

"Just to be clear, in order to insubordinate, you first need to be subordinate," Baldwin wrote. "IMG is retained by Coach, not by Texas Tech; and thus IMG cannot be insubordinate to Texas Tech."

If Leach's endless flirtations with other schools weren't an indication of some kind of low-grade restlessness, this certainly won't tamp down the overall impression that Leach is bored and discontented. Pirates have no anchors. Also, you might not want to dick around on the terms of a contract with a coach with a law degree. He knows how to read those things.

Stop, coach. I like my ligaments. Andre Debose is already trying to shake the "next Percy" line, if only to stop the football gods from cursing him with endless, Harvin-esque injuries. When he steps off a curb and sprains a pec, we'll know the curse is alive and well.