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The acceptable time to stalk high schoolers is over. You'll be doing it on your own now and not with the sanction of a football-related event. Per tradition, the USC staff was up until 2 PST last night, and spent the time making a few last calls, seeing who was going to pass out first, listening to Santana and T.I., and watching Sam Kinison.

Afterwards, they had a long, rambling conversation about the nature of the universe, and then ordered a pizza before falling asleep on the floor. Carroll did take a two hour nap, presumably to allow his astral form to skate the cosmic plane looking for recruits. (NCAA regulations do not cover alternate dimensions...yet.) The USCRipsIt blog contains more real, non-fictional hilarity and Pete Carroll starry-eyed optimism than you could possibly imagine, including this quote, which may be harmful to diabetics due to sugar content:

“This is for all the moms and dads who are letting their kids live their dreams today,” Carroll said.

You angels, it is the day of Ascension. Win Forever.

Also awake and perky beyond belief. Brian at In the Bleachers is liveblogging the whole thing minute by minute. We've replaced his coffee today with PCP: let's see if he notices! Also liveblogging the thing is the estimable Joe Cribbs Car Wash, who celebrates "Pervy Christmas" today in year one of the Chizik era.

Early returns: The most important player left in the field--Orson Charles, naturally--has dropped Florida State, most likely because Florida State has become over the past decade the place where blue-chip offensive talent goes to die. ORSON HEAR THE SOUND OF MY VOICE AND ITS PROMISE OF LAUDATORY COVERAGE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF YOUR EXEMPLARY FIRST NAME AND COME TO FLORIDA.

Your resume alarms me. Thamel/Evans profile a "recruiting consultant" for high school athletes. Hey, what could possibly be sketchoid about a guy who sells himself to high schoolers as a guru for the college selection process?

Butler, a former rapper and cellphone call-center manager, is among a new breed of entrepreneurs inserting themselves into college football recruiting.

RUN YOUNGSTERS. We mean, um...yes, he sounds like a specialist who has years of experience in the field and your best interests at heart. Go right ahead! Also, that girl who will prior to the NFL draft say she's on the pill? Go ahead and make a few direct deposits one drunken evening. No ulterior motives whatsoever, you junior Candide you.

Band Geekery, Note one. Eddie was the drum major for USC, which he actually lifted weights to prepare for over the spring prior to his senior year. One time, at band camp, I BROKE MY GODDAMN ARMOR FLEXING MY MASSIVE LATS.