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CURIOUS INDEX, 2/2/2009

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Remember the important thing here. Darnell Dockett lost the Super Bowl last night, and for that the angels sing.

We hope you got a stripper with jagged teeth last night, shitbag.

Max Starks, on the other hand... Only the finest of ladies to you, sir. Your team actually won, Gator.

Next trick: that isn't even my real name! Perry, GA lineman Johnnie Farms tried first to commit to Alabama, who was out of scholarship offers (What?), then committed to South Carolina, then flipped to UNC because the "education was a little better," then after committing still took recruiting visits to UCF and Auburn. Next step: conducting interviews through an AutoTuner and referring to himself as the "Law Firm of Blokk and Pancake, LLM" before ditching football to pursue a career in avant-garde puppetry.

TAH-NOO-TAH WANT SUNTAN. Miami message boards are rumbling with Jon Tenuta to Miami rumors. Considering Tenuta's blitz-the-balls-off approach is directly at odds with Randy Shannon's standard Cover 2 scheme this seems like an odd fit, but perhaps Randy Shannon is doubling down on aggression. TAH-NOO-TAH LIKE AGRESHUN.

Frantz Joseph: reformer, cornerback. Taking time off from his progressive reform of the Austro-Hungarian empire, Frantz Joseph dominated the Texas vs. The Nation game, which really wasn't fair to begin with since faux-ho lefty semiotics majors from Brown suck at throwing the deep-out anyway.