clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

KNOW YOUR RECRUITS: D.J. FLUKER

Name: D.J. Fluker, Rivals # 6 and the #1 offensive lineman overall.

Position: Offensive Line, Juggernaut, goal-line fullback for Poseidon in backyard pickup games between deities, stunt-double for several planets in Battlestar Galactica.

High School: Lilliputia High School for the Little and Gifted. Was actually 3' 7" as a freshman, but experienced a growth spurt and was granted a special exemption to finish his education at LHS.

fluker
Fight song lyrics included "Yub nub! eee chop yub nub ah toe..." HT: Todd.

Relevant stats: 6'7", runs a 4.9, benches 375, squats 525. Inhaled a basketball during an afterschool game his senior year in high school and snorted it out for a spectacular cross-court alley-oop. Can eat fifty eggs in a sitting with ease. Faberge eggs, that is. Without chewing. Was Valedictorian of his class thanks to his superb marks in classes like Maiming, Boulder-tossing, and Fear.

Committed to: Alabama, and ridding himself of this infestation of sport climbers who keep shooting bolts in his flesh in vain attempts to climb 5.10 and 5.11 routes on him.

Likes: Long walks on the beach, staring contests with utility poles, the smell of fresh paint, a woman who is comfortable with her body, and the sweet noise of villagers asking him to bring back the sun.

Dislikes: Your bitch ass. Cauliflower.

What his Rivals picture says about him:

djflukerarmy09150

RUN. NOW. DO NOT ALERT CIVIL AUTHORITIES AS IT IS TOO LATE. YOU OWE HIM MONEY AND YOUR STANK ASS IS GETTING THROWN THROUGH A PLATE GLASS WINDOW WHICH LEADS TO ANOTHER PLATE GLASS WINDOW LOCATED IN FRONT OF A NEVER ENDING SERIES OF PLATE GLASS WINDOWS. YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS DEATH NOW AND HE'S GONNA BE FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE, BITCH. RUN.

Ballin'? WHO'S ASKIN', PUNK?

Summary: Starting at left tackle...Cloverfield!