While we’re admitting things we got completely and totally wrong, let’s own up to this: we had a horrendous season picking bowl games, meaning we owe Peter Bean one plane ticket to Las Vegas for him besting us in the bowl challenge. Join us for EDSBS Live! tonight to hear him rub the only real vengeance he can have on someone whose team just won an SEC and BCS title in our huge, pie-shaped face.

For some reason, Taylor Mays is coming back to play football at USC. Why Mays would want to leave the idyllic, sun-dappled scene of USC, where he wakes each morning covered by a blanket of five to eight naked young women huddled around him for warmth, is beyond our understanding. Perhaps he believes he can improve on a laser-timed 4.32 40 yard dash. Perhaps he is limited in his actions by the demands of Directive 4, which keeps him from turning on the engineers who built him, or from bolting to the NFL until he absolutely has to. It’s scary either way.

Also, Jorvorskie Lane weighed 295 at his Shrine Bowl workout, but had good hands (for to catch the food! HAHAHAHAHA.)

Do we post this or not should we or not is it whatever go ahead: (SFW, but probably not SFW, no?)

Yes, and all of you mighty blog commenters out there, please remove the two flawless, Anita Ekberg 1955 quality women from your huge cocks, flex your immaculate abs, and comment on the young woman’s physique in a negative fashion. That would be something we’ve never heard on the internet before! Break new ground! Be a pioneer! Fear is the enemy of progress!

We got a text message immediately after the Jeff Jagodzinski affair surfaced that read: “If Boston College were a girl, she’s have those crazy girl bangs right across the forehead.” Just like that girl, the one who dumped Jeff Jagodzinski for so much as flirting with another lady, someone else is stepping into that bear trap foot-first: the nice guy who hung around long enough to finally hook up, BC defensive coordinator Frank Spaziani.

Spaziani, seen here seconds after being shot in the ass with a spear gun by BC AD Gene DiFilippo, who thought he was looking at another woman in the stands.

Spaziani knows the particular bear trap he’s stepping into, and will likely not flirt with any other ladies UNLESS HE WANTS TO DIE IN HIS SLEEP AND YOU HAVE TO SLEEP SOMETIME DON’T YOU FRANK?!?! [/brandishes scissors.] Spaziani produces extremely good defenses, is beloved by players, and has been at BC since 1997. At the age of 61, he’s not likely to be promiscuous or even flirtatious with other programs, though he should share his password to his email and voicemail because YOU WOULDN’T BE HIDING ANYTHING FROM ME FRANKIE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND WOULD KILL MYSELF AND MAYBE YOU AND YOUR DOG IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOKED AT ANOTHER WOMAN OR FOOTBALL PROGRAM FRANK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

We have an anonymous account of the poor, wretched sorority girl who beshat herself at the national title game, and we found it intriguing both for its clinical description of the situation, its veracity, and its sympathy for the poor girl involved-whose picture may no longer appear on Georgia Sports, but whose image is still burned into our forebrain.

Our own commentary is interlaced in between the italicized account. Remember: drinking is an adventure. Some adventures end with you holding the Crystal Skull and riding into the sunset on horseback victorious. Some adventures end with you hopeless and broken on the rocks with vultures pecking at your insides while you look on in mute horror. (See: Carrion Death, one of the most unintentionally funny Tales from the Crypt episodes ever. Kyle Maclachlan can act!)

Image result one for “alcoholic adventures,” and a much kinder image that the one we could have used here.

The account:

My buddies and I were tailgating when one of us noticed this girl popping a squat and peeing — or so we thought. The worst thing about it? She was 15 feet from two toilets.

We will state for the record that the toilet situation outside Dolphins Stadium was bad, but not abominable. (more…)

You may remember Troy wide receiver Josh Jarboe from his prior life as an unaccompanied freestyle rapper at Oklahoma, where lines like “If she like barbecue I put my meat up on her grill” got him kicked off the team after this video made it onto the internets:

Jarboe will add to his fabulous minor-league thug resume by opening up Fulmer Cup scoring for 2009 with a charge almost as colorful as his red/pink dreads from the OU video: misdemeanor harrassment, a single point for Troy in the Fulmer Cup and establishing them as the first team to put points on the board this season.

While the article gives no details, message boards are full of potentially truth-y tidbits, including this:

Just asked a friend of mine if he’d been to saga and then asked him if a fight had broken out. He said, “no, a football player up and choked some chic” “that dude from oklahoma or something?”

One of our favorite grammatical constructions is “Up and [verb]+ed.” It implies a sudden burst of wild or unpredictable behavior, like “After two quarters of mediocre football, Tim Tebow up and got the asskick stick out on Oklahoma.” Josh Jarboe just up and opened the Fulmer Cup season.” One point to Troy, officially popping the cherry of this season.