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Buenos dias! It's Miercoles en Miami. "Miercoles" is Spanish for "Wednesday, or the day when we get cranked on coffee so strong it spasms your asshole, climb in a car, and scream at each other on I-95 for eight hours before a dinner of five starches, a meat, and then rum." It is also the day before the national title game in Miami, meaning we'll have updates of varying importance throughout the day. Hey, a huge drink! (Hint: Twitter is fun and informative! For instance, learn the upmarket rate for stripper sex in-house on South Beach, or at least what Oklahoma fans pay. Excellence in planning: Oklahoma's staying at the Fontainebleu down here, the newly redone resort which, while not exactly in the heart of South Beach like your humble correspondent, is still close enough to be potentially distracting: While the Sooners are staying in the upscale part of South Beach at the luxurious Fontainebleau which, according to Taylor, must be pronounced Fon-ton-blue to get the full effect the Gators are being stowed away in Hollywood, Fla., at the equally impressive Westin Diplomat. The Gators arent watching celebrities run the streets, and not as many beautiful women parade around in skimpy clothing. Hey! Bethany Joy Galeotti from One Tree Hill lives there! Acknowledge here celebrity, Gainesville Sun, or be destroyed by the wrath of hundreds of fans! The Fontainebleu also provided the backdrop for the opening scene of Goldfinger, where Sean Connery got his chauvipigmanbeast on with barbaric suavity: We're looking for an all-terrycloth manjumper to wear there tonight like the one Connery sported in the scene, too. Avert your eyes, universe. Um, strike, redact, yes. Or, if you prefer Sooner Fox News over Gator Pravda: it's Percy Harvin status: Ruptured aorta, cirrhosis of the eye, an angry spleen, lymphatic depression, and holding steady at 90%. (Which is sort of how Percy Harvin's always been, so thus a bit of a non-story for Florida fans, who have vast experience with the drama.) But that's okay: according to him, Florida has 38 players who can run 4.1s, so it's okay and shit. And three days after blogs said it: Hey, everyone's a national champ! Off to pick up my credentials--THE FOOLS!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHHAAA |
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