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WE WILL GIVE YOU TICKETS IF YOU GIVE US BEER.

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Arash Markazi says Orange Bowl tickets are going for a buck on Stub Hub,
and why not: the naked theft of the ticket industry and the multiple layering of "value" and "costs" fraudulently layered onto the final bill of a ticket is one of the American free market economy's finest examples of legitmate fraud, with the original product passing through eight hands (each adding "value" by reselling the ticket) before it gets to your hands. What better revenge for this, then, than having the real value of the event exposed on StubHub, glorious halftime celebrations and all:

Frankly, we'd pay no more than $15 to watch this game unfold. And for the St. Pete Bowl this weekend, we'll put rubber to the road on the market correction theory, as we will attempt to get the cheapest ticket we can possibly get on the St. Pete scalpers market. Odds on what we will actually pay to get into the game:

Face: $30.00 2/1

Half-price, pre-game: $15.00 1/3

Ten bucks and a six pack of Miller High Life in cans: 1/8

Just the six pack of MHL in cans: 1/12

For a jaunty dance performed on the sidewalk: 1/30

For our pants: 1/2.

We'll report our results on Sunday. We're hopeful it doesn't take the pants, but if it does, it does. That's just how dedicated we are. (There are some things we won't resort to, however. RAMMER JAMMER BAMA NATION/GOT A BID FOR SOLICITATION.)