November 18, 2025
BOOM LIKE A BOOM LIKE A TEXAS BOOM-IN’
Texas goes BOOM. Being a slave to the man, we think this is completely brilliant. FAST FORWARD SELECTOR to the future for Texas!
DISAPPOINTMENT HAS A FLAVOR: FOUR
Part one of Disappointment Has a Flavor is here. You’ll be disappointed it it, no doubt.
West Virginia/Boyfriend-Girlfriend-Spouse of Convenience. If you’ve ever known true love, it is horrible, horrible, horrible. It makes you say and do very stupid things. It makes you allocate goods and service in unimaginable ways. It controls you in a manner slaves would deem “bitchmade.” Being in love is like receiving instructions from the Mysterons, only you aren’t rendered bulletproof in the effort, but instead are twice as vulnerable to everything afterwards.
Still, love is preferable to the rebound, or the girl/boy/friend or spouse of convenience. And with that said, for no reason at all, we discuss the fourth most disappointing team of 2008, West Virginia.
Rollback all initial fears of complete and utter incompetence. Bill Stewart had problems with coaches’ friend TIMEOUT early in the season, and most took this to be a harbinger of horrors to come. (The royal ourselves included.) Snafus with clock management at Colorado followed the unqualified ass-branding they took from East Carolina, and it seemed like the inevitable collapse of WVU post-Rodriguez into the morass of the Big East basement.
Then, suddenly, West Virginia began playing with some measure of consistency. If you look at the schedule, the Mountaineers popped out five wins in a row against some decent competition, including UConn, Auburn on national television on a Thursday night, and Rutgers, a team proven to be unhorrible now that Mike Teel has decided to play with his contacts in for all four quarters. On paper, even when you factor in a loss to Cincy (a likely Big East champ at this point) it doesn’t reek.
This is about disappointment, though, a state impossible without the contrast of earlier, greater expectations. (more…)
YES, PANIC. PANIC IS APPROPRIATE.
The promised transfer panic begins at Michigan. Everybody panic, indeed. Sam McGuffie, midget white running back, should consider transferring to Florida so that we may diversify our shades of tiny quarkbacks. (Honkie=”strange,” for your quark categories.)
McGuffie, seen here in an early photo from MGoBlog, is allegedly looking to take his Dragonball Z toys elsewhere.
This will be cited as further evidence of the disastrous trajectory of the Michigan program, proof Rich Rodriguez should NEVAH HAVE LEFT WEST VIRGINNY COCK MOUTH TRAITOR, and so on and so on. This is presumptuous, and further proof that Michigan fans happen to be hapless virgins when it comes to programmatic chaos.
Ask an Alabama fan: this shit is nothing. You’ll all be fine.
DISAPPOINTMENT HAS A FLAVOR: FIVE
Disappointment has a flavor, and it is orange and black peanut candy, the BBB rated subprime mortgage of candy flavors, a lubeless hand job you get from a lackluster date on the couch, the sad realization that at your current age you do not possess a flying car both because they do not exist and you could not afford one even if they did, walking across the finish line of a race eighteen minutes off your usual pace…the moment when you order sherbet from the ice cream man of life and he gleefully scoops up a mushroom-shaped heap of the shit flavor and plops it in a freshly baked waffle cone.
The recipients thus far of the shit-flavored sherbet of sadness thus far in ascending degrees of disappointment, beginning with number five and counting down:
5. Christmas/Georgia.
Christmas is disappointing. You get together with your family, half of whom are too busy gagging larvae full of food to talk, the other half engaged in proving you right in your suspicion that your “shared DNA bond” is comparable in effect to the 95 percent of DNA shared with chimps. And like your chimp brethren, you feel capable of ripping their arms off without a moment’s thought from time to time.
Georgia’s season peaked on paper: a preseason number one that, once the ball was snapped, fell into good status thanks to injuries on the offensive and defensive line. (more…)
BRAVERY IN FANDOM
Via Pete at Fanhouse: the award for cowardice in fandom goes to the Huntsville-Madison County Auburn club for the following announcement about their annual “Beat Bama” party.
Congratulations: you just confirmed your fear of John Parker Wilson, which should result in your collective testicles shearing from your body in opposite directions in protest.
CURIOUS INDEX, 11/18/08
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You wound, sir, with a dagger’s stab. Rich Rodriguez is getting testy after the loss to Northwestern. “It’s amazing some of the things that people would say (on a message board) or yell at you of a personal nature,” Rodriguez said Monday. “You almost want to tell them, “Get a life.’ “There’s a whole lot bigger problems. Look at the economy.” The fundamentals of this economy are strong, DickRod! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA? Fox, out. Matt Vasgersian, it was lovely while we had it. Fox is out of the bidding for the BCS contract. Sad: no more Vasgersian explosions of colorful metaphor. Good: ditching the rest of the ADDled Fox broadcast, most notable for showing crowd shots during important moments on the field, because a shot of a touchdown and then a shot of someone gasping in the crowd is what is required for me to realize something good/bad has happened to my/the other team. You’re jacked about this. We recommend you sign up for this. Smart Football is SMRT. Smart Football is back, and reveals that they once had a long conversation with Mike Leach about the Pythagorean Theorem being used to calculate the length of a quarterback’s throw. Of course he did. Thank you for creating our program now go. You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when Jim met you. He picked you out, he shook you up, he turned you around, turned you into someone new. A USF fan forgets that USF is Jim Leavitt by founding the inevitable Jim Leavitt Must Go site, which to be fair does feature an amusing opening page. That’s science. Building the Dam lets the world in on the advanced techniques they use to calculate football math. It beats the crap out of our scratch pad, a week-old edition of The Economist. |
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