Doc Saturday's plea to be named commissioner of college football's season--a campaign we fully support--reminds us that it is time to consider the bowls that should occur before the sprawling bowl market comes to a crash.
The Evinrude-Wrangler Real America Bowl
The YellaWood Arsenic Poisoining Bowl
The Ludacris DTP Chicken 'n Beer Bowl Sponsored by Pussy (Ask for it by name.)
If this bowl has one more drink, it's gone end up fuckin' you.
The Golden Flake Fatback Bowl
The Bitch I'm From Dade County Bowl Presented By the 7th Floor Crew, On The Trunk and On The Field!
The Allen Bailey Alligator Smash Bowl
The Jonathan Crompton Jaw Clamp Bowl Featuring The Close Your Mouth Jonathan Crompton We Are Not A Codfish Halftime show, presented by Bo-Bob's Eyewear Emporium. Stare down your receivers with clarity!
THE TANG THE DRINK OF ASTRONAUTS BOWL
The Erin Andrews Bowl(not actually containing Erin Andrews, but mentioned frequently for pageviews Erin Andrews Erin Andrews)
The Fuck You In The Face, Jim Delaney, Keep Your Fucking Rose Bowl (presented by Citi)
The Enzyte Bowl (ACC vs. ACC). Crowd will get larger than it seems, we promise!
The FinallyFast.com 120-second Clock Rule Bowl
The McRib Bowl. Only available on December 27th! (Until next year.)
The They Live Is One of the Greatest Fucking Movies Ever Made Bowl Starring Rowdy Roddy Piper. Entertainment worth watching as Rowdy Roddy Piper is guaranteed to punch every single attendee in the face. That person next to you may be one of THEM.
Bubble gum will not be available.
The Killers Bowl for Vague, Lofty Music With Vaguely Lofty Lyrics. You're like Jesus with the Wings on fire burnin' down a main street highway America runnin'. Sponsored by the LDS. No gays, please.
The MySpace No Means Maybe Bowl
The Hitachi Adolescent Panty Vending Machine Bowl.
The Click Here Win A Free iPod Snorg Tees Screensaver Bowl.
The Maine Bowl. It's Maine. It's there. You should see it sometime.
The Christopher Hitchens Degenerative Alcoholism Curmudging Classic.Sponsored by Chivas and ScotchGuard. You'll watch it unless you're an repentant Trotskyite who doesn't realize the import of the Cypriot identity crisis to the identity of the modern Levant.
The No, Seriously, Shreveport Is The Maw Of Hell Bowl.
The LSAT Bowl, brought to you buy your quarter-life crisis. Lose your worries for three hours...or three years! Available on pay-per-view for 75-125,000 dollars depending on region.
The Big Lead Bowl. I dunno. This scares us. Here's a link to a sports story. No idea where we found it. Hey, a picture of a girl!