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CURIOUS INDEX, 11/13/2008

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Just call me Donkasaurus Sex. That is a fine automobile, sir. It's certainly in better shape than the Kragthorpe Athletic Supporter Bus (providing easy visual metaphors for the Steve Kragthorpe era since 2008.)

There is no quarterback controversy, btw: frog-killin' Hunter Cantwell remains the starter, as Steve Kragthorpe has miraculously resisted the urge the start a quarterback sired by a famous quarterback over his established starter, thus showing no susceptibility to Mack Brown Syndrome.

A tree full a crabs! Just what a pirate would do.

Withhold your crapping-upon. Whitlock was quite nasty towards Pear Bryant and neglected to mention the immediate reason why Charlie Weis took play-calling responsibilities from Mike Haywood--that Haywood has had a death in the family, and will miss some key practices attending the funeral in Houston.

Yet take a third turn here and consider Weis' stated intention to be more involved with the offense after the 17-0 defeat by Boston College, and that once you start calling plays again, it may be hard to surrender the laminated card again. (Not that it seems to make much difference who's calling the plays.) Votes of confidence issued; gigantic albatross of a contract, still in place.

Recruiting is fun, part 23425. Clemson's telling recruits Dabo Swinney is going to be the coach next year. It may be true. It may not be. Whatever, kid: it's only four years of your life. Fractionally, that's only 1/20th of the average lifespan. Plus, coaches are very forthright about this kind of stuff. Just ask ace Gator linebacker Tim Tebow about that.

Stereotypes are instructive and nutritious. It's lovely when ESPN pulls back the curtain and reveals what they think. It's even better when it's conforms to reality.

FEMALE. Tennessee is orange crazy. The ice tray in her orange fridge, that freezes the water she dyes orange, is that orange. The party girl cowboy hat she wears is a white and orange zebra print. The tattoo on her lower back is Pantone 3 for that Tennessee orange. The only thing that's not orange is her dog, which is the mascot Smokey. Did we mention she's crazy? A slutty girl who would hang out at the cowgirl hall of fame.

Holly, point the shotgun to the northeast and fire repeatedly. Use slugs, lest you give West Virginia a morning buckshot shower heavier than the usual.