We can’t believe he’s never been the honoree. All others, 14; Ditka-stache, 452.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Bill Swerski: Now, gentlemen, let me ask you this: What if Da Bears were all 14 inches tall, you know, about so high? Now, what’s your score of today’s game?

Carl Wollarski: Against Da Giants?

Bill Swerski: Yes, give ‘em a handicap.

Carl Wollarski: Bears 18, Giants 10. And that would finally be a good game.

Pat Arnold: Yeah, it would be a good game. Mini Bears 24, Giants 14.

Todd O’Conner: What about Ditka? Would he be mini, too?

Bill Swerski: No, he would be full-grown.

Todd O’Conner: Oh, then, uh.. Mini Bears 31, Giants 7.

Carl Wollarski: Oh, hold on. Then I change mine, too. I thought it was Mini Ditka.

Jason Whitlock earns the Sobriquet of the Day in his column on Charlie Weis:

Too often, I waste column inches blasting Charlie Weis, Notre Dame and the lifetime contract awarded to an unproven blowhard. I never take the time to point out the good side of “Pear Bryant.”

Clapping in three-hundred and sixty degrees, sir. Yes, he admits he got if from a reader, but it’s still a fine bit of verbiage to be treasured and held aloft like a prize trout. As disrespectful as the nickname may be, consider that Whitlock at least does Weis the honor of spelling his name correctly, which doesn’t always happen. It’s W-e-i-s, and for fun you should IM your Notre Dame friends during the Navy game Saturday, where a good extra “s” on the end of it should send their already fragile psyches into a catatonic tailspin.

If it’s November, it means that ACC fans not named “Seminoles” are already fully deserting football for basketball. This is no ugly stereotype of the average mid-Atlantic sports consumer, but fact: North Carolina has sold 1,100 of a 4,000 ticket block reserved for Tarheel fans for this weekend’s Maryland game, a game that sadly interferes with the tip-off for North Carolina basketball.

From the inimitable LOLJocks.

Butch Davis has repeated time and time again how he’s not interested in the Tennessee job, and may very well actually mean what he says and not take it, but he has to at least wonder what it would be like to coach at a school where fans show up in droves, or actually show up with consistency. (Admission: having coached at Miami, it is a feeling he should be familiar with at the college level.)

Mike Patrick shares his thoughts in his semi-regular feature, Mike Patrick’s Cabinet of Wonders.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: Thanksgiving! The Patrick household is gonna be stocked with all the Thanksgiving fixings: turkey, dressing, and Mom’s favorite, Darvocet.

Do mongoose kill snakes, or do they just put them to sleep and take them home to be friends?

You know what football team no one’s thinking about in the SEC? South Carolina. They’re pretty good! You know what else you’re not thinking enough about? Plague. (more…)

Last week, we had the answer. This week, LSUFreek asks the question:

To review: the answer was yes.