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CURIOUS INDEX, 11/4/2008

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Good morning, America. Ray Charles would have voted today. He would have been high and cranked on gin, but they don't administer a sobriety test at the polls, and thank God for that. EDSBS Live tends to carry over into the next day, if you know what we mean.

Go vote. Now, foobaw.

Tradition....TRADITION! The Papa's press conference was hard, hard stuff to watch. We get the feeling Phil Fulmer cried once when kicked in the balls in fourth grade, and then ceased leaking water from the eyes altogether until yesterday at 5:00 p.m., where he struggled to get through three sentences at a time in a painful and yet defiant defense of his record.

What you don't see: Ramon Foster and Eric Berry making comments like this about the University's firing of Fulmer.(And ignore the semantics: this was a firing.)

"That right there wasn't very standup by Tennessee," said Foster. "That's not a way for him to go out. He should be able to go out on his own terms."

Right after that, Fulmer left with many of his players, skipping the comments of Athletic Mike Hamilton. They would agree with Hooper's summary of the situation, wethinks. Do not neglect the numbers: the diminishing returns are quantifiable and undeniable, a clear path paved by both internal and external stubbornness.

Still, it is somewhat sad to see the last company man fall in what is now a thoroughly mercenary league...even if it is a man who, to outsiders at least, was a lumpen gossip queen devoid of charisma whose football team played a leaden form of the game long after it stopped working. He was their lumpen gossip queen, and for the lack of frills won a shitload of no-nonsense games.

Get money, fattie. That's what Spurrier was thinking, even if he didn't come out and say it in so many words.

"I don’t know whether to feel sorry for coach or congratulate him for the biggest buyout in the history of college football. He got the best deal ever, I think."

For the record, he's at "his last job," and is not interested in Tennessee. Being a cranky guy who pretty much says whatever he thinks, he likely means it.

Manicure, needed. We swear we're still on the hetero bandwagon, even if that's Tuscan Orange Grapefruit Low-Carb beer in our hand. They were out of Modelo Especial, dammit! What were we going to drink, water? FISH FUCK IN THAT SHIT.

Illinois' awesome season continues. The proper celebration for beating Iowa? Miss Manners says breaking your teammate's jaw.