COACHES WHO COULD ACTUALLY BE PRESIDENT.
The order of succession for the Presidency is simple. First, the Vice President takes the reins; then, should something happen to them, the Speaker of the House takes over, followed by the President of the Senate pro tempore, then the Cryptkeeper, then the Knights Templar draw numbers…
If you go down far enough, it is a constitutional fact that the 78th person in line for the presidency is the reigning coach of the BCS Champions. Trust us. you don’t need to look this up. It is true, not only because it is on the internet, but because we want it to be true.
This would be Les Miles at the moment, who if you like free-wheeling leaders unafraid of faking invasions of Iran and turning east towards Pakistan for a decisive, game-changing score. Unfortunately, we think Miles would make a poor President: he says interesting things, has a tendency to make rash decisions, and is probably too honest for his own good. Also, because he wears a huge, luminescently white hat, he offers up too large a target for potential assassins.
In the interest of national security, we offer up the following four coaches who could actually be president.
Jim Tressel.
Ohio has a history of producing people who just look Presidential, like Warren G. Harding, an incurious and vain man who made the presidency simply because he looked the part. (more…)
