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COLT MCCOY: DECONSTRUCTED

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Le object: The Colt McCoy commercial for a Texas pharmacy, done before he signed with the University of Texas and therefore not in conflict with any NCAA regs. Examine:

Le deconstruction:

Hi, I'm Colt McCoy, local quarterback and part-time pitchman. My role today will be played by the 18 year old Will Wheaton. Golly gee shucks. Also, at Texas they will pipe protein powder into my eyeballs to make me three times the size I am now. I look forward to this glorious tranformation.

I often enjoy using their handy drive up window, where I receive the bags full of "prescriptions" I use to keep my family healthy and safe. If you'll look at the bag, they appear to be Storck Chocolate Riesen Caramels, but even at $32.50 a bag after insurance, their deliciousness is still a steal in my book.

Our pharmacy offers cocktails at all hours, including your tropical favorites like Mai-Tais and Sex on the Beach.

Wait...this is a scene from...Sleepers? THAT IS AN INNOCENT CHILD, PEDOPHARMACIST!

See, I need this medicine, kid. It helps me, like a pet monkey who travels around with me. Monkeys are cute? You like monkeys? Stop judging me. I SAID STOP JUDGING ME. Your eyes look right through me, but until you feel his grasp, kid, you can't kill this monkey, I'm telling you. STOP JUDGING ME. The monkey is never dead, kid. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn. STOP JUDGING MEEEEEE!!!!

Gifts for every occasion. Involving an exorcism or warding off the evil eye.