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Tic tac OOOHHHHH. Jim Tressel and the Buckeyes will be having a "Scarlet Fever" Red-Out of sorts to not only convince the Penn State Nittany Lions that they have descended into a piss-scented semi-circle of hellfire on Saturday, but also to raise awareness of Muscular Dystrophy. Attention Buckeye fans: this does not require acquiring a nasty case of actual Scarlet Fever before the game. DO NOT WANT.

Also, it gives an excuse for Tressel to show off the coat he pulled off an unconscious and bleeding Wink Martindale in a Los Angeles alley. That bastard fought, but you can't take down the Senator with a few weak Muay Thai moves.

Pete Carroll: Flight Risk. Proof positive that if you stay awake longer, people will simply bug you about more stuff: Pete Carroll, now classified as a flight risk, has to put up with the mewlings of Allen Bradford and Vidal Hazelton's parents, who claims Carroll never calls, never stops by, and only emails them annoying forwards without any personalized notes or anything. Other parents, Brian Cushing's in particular, say Carroll is ridiculously communicative, and that sometimes they answer fake calls on the other line just to get Chatty Cathy off the phone.

Carroll also, in the course of his 20 hour days, also has to get his team together for a daunting game on the road at Arizona, preserve a 138-0 scoring streak going back to the Oregon game, continue his refusal to discuss the 49ers gig, and remind Tommy to stir the sauce KAREN!!!

We're not not looking. Plane-watching gone awry: yes, there was a plane in Raleigh, North Carolina from the University of Tennessee, but it was not to talk to David Cutcliffe, but to drop off the Vols' prez for a South U.S./Japan conference. (Tennessee actually has pretty decent Asian business ties as a school, including an MBA program all up ons in Taipei. Don't look at us like that: it's true.) In other big orange news: "real men don't wear orange" is now part of a ticket package at Georgia Tech, something Ian thinks is rich an irony too rich to verbalize fully.

BCS.BCBG.BGA. Whatever. Joe Paterno last night on Penn State's prospects in the current BCS system as a possible undefeated:

You know me, I'm for a playoff. But that's not gonna happen whaddya whaddya whaddya We're playing Ohio State this week, not the BC...BG..BGS...whatever it is whaddya whaddya whaddya.

Sometimes we wonder if he knows precisely what he's talking about, but consults the Old Guy Handbook of Humorous Inaccurate Sayings and Verbalisms and adds accordingly. He's at least as lucid as Penn State safety Anthony Scirotto, who has been cleared to play after suffering a concussion in the Michigan game.

Snap the damn ball. A little-known obscurantist program in the middle of nowhere has figured out the arcane secrets of the new 40/25 clock: snap. the. damn ball.