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THIS IS MY HELMET, THIS IS MY GUN.

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Anthony Reddick's list of things to do with a helmet:

--Swing at an opponent in brawl: check.
--Wear during sex: check.
--Have girl wear during sex: check.
--Fill with tasty cheese dip and eat from at party: check.
--Wear during game the following week and curse lingering scent of melted cheddar: double check.
--Put on backwards and drive down I-95 for one mile without looking on dare: check.
--Embed in chest of Texas A&M wide receiver: COSTCO VALUEPACK-SIZED CHECK.

(HT: Lt Winslow and The Great Barstoolio.)