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CURIOUS INDEX, 9/19/08

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"It's mass confusion down here. Just a mess." Ohhh, Bill Stewart is not a good head coach, and you know it when Erin Andrews may succinctly pigeonhole your game management style in a glance and two observant sentences filed from the sidelines at the end of regulation last
night.

Also: another universal rule is that when your coach has to keep saying how you'll get better and better, it is a sure sign that nothing will change, and that you will not get better because this person has no idea how to go about accomplishing this.

"I'm so proud of the way they came out and competed,'' West Virginia coach Bill Stewart said. "There's a lot of heartache in that locker room. But they'll grow and get better.''

Yes. Being positive without details and ass-busting equals positive bacon wrapped around substandard coaching hot dog. Tortured, byzantine coaching metaphors for $800, Alex.

Get off the boooooooiiiooooiiioooooze. Virginia has booted qb Peter Lalich off the team for drinking, a violation of his alcohol-related probation. This takes away Virginia's lone qb with any substantial starting experience, all because he couldn't stop burning up those brain cells and lay off the boooooooooooiiioooooooooiiooooooooze.

Al Groh commented by saying it was "regrettable (meh)."

"Unfucked." Perhaps one of the better phrasings for the miraculous healing of Percy Harvin's heel over the offseason we've seen comes from newcomber Devin's Landing. We are so looking forward to Florida surgeons installing spoilers on his shoulders to keep him on the ground, lest he fly disastrously in the air like a runaway speedboat.

Pat Kuntz had to be tough. We bet everyone in the family is capable of decking seven men in six seconds. You have to be to endure the name, or Rivals.com's creative copyediting using your name.

Drink if he openly pulls for a team he used to coach. The Dr. Lou Drinking Game. You wanted it, even if you didn't know you needed it.