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OSU-USC WARNING SIGNS

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ESPN had this headline up for most of yesterday, and it bugged the hell out of me all day:

That's just lazy, and maddeningly vague. There's nineteen different ways this could've been more informative, and they went with a grand total of none of them. "Sealed for your protection"? "Detour ahead"? "Not to be used as a flotation device"?

We're here to help, after the jump:

Further suggestions welcome below.