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Chase Clement is the only gun for hire that can clean up this town. Chase Clement rides across the West, looking only an honest man, a clean woman, and whiskey that rattles the hinges off your doors.

Clement-to-Dillard may be one of the better mindmelds between receiver and qb in the nation with 4 tds in two games already. Sadly, Dillard will be killed by Indians in the sixth episode, taking an arrow for Clement, who will then drag his fallen comrade's body all the way back to Texas in a final, harrowing act of loyalty.

Doc Saturday documents the pregame hubbub surrounding OSU/USC, and tells you what your gambling hand already knew: no one thinks OSU will win, the line keeps going up, and that compared to Pete Carroll, Jim Tressel looks like a constipated mortician. Only Matt Hayes seems to think this will be close for four quarters thanks to their "manhood being threatened." What Hayes forgets: USC's manhood is bigger, and tends not to go limp in pressure situations.

Miami's Jarvarris James, gimpy. Jarvarris James has a "high ankle sprain" sustained in the first quarter of the Florida game, or as we like to call it, a "low knee sprain." He'll miss the 'Canes next week, which won't really matter: Steven McGee is banged-up plus Miami's hellacious defense equals instant bank credit of seven points for Miami, meaning a final score of 10-0 in the game based on both the Aggies' and the Canes' offensive performances in 2008.

Fanhouse has your worst moments thus far, and one underreported story thus far mentioned within: the crapulent start by Arkansas, who has had to rely on two fourth quarter comebacks late against Western Illinois and ULM for one of the more deceptive 2-0 records in all the land. Panic, people of Gotham Fayetteville.

You're seeing things. Panic anyway.

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