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Holly and Orson discuss the ins and outs of sex during football season in an important discussion of a sensitive family health issue that is relevant to everyone. It therefore should be listened to shamefully beneath several layers of covers in bed. Alone, that is. Without touching of the personal variety. God's watching you. And he is ashamed.

The exact length of the podcast is ten minutes and fifty-four seconds, or just about the length of the average sexual encounter in Thailand. They're Asian, and therefore efficient.

MP3 File

Basic rules proposed:

--Bank sex points on Friday night in between Thursday night and Saturday.

--Recliner head is acceptable for lower tier in-conference games, but not for big games.

--Halftime is there for a reason. Use it.

Any other rules and suggestions phrased in a classy way are acceptable below. By classy, we mean using the phrase "Boston Strangler" instead of "skirt scallop" for the vagina, and "lap taffy" or some other civilized term for the penis instead of "beef bayonet." Join the campaign right now, and receive a free in-game abstinence banner after the jump.

Note: offer not valid for LSU fans, because we know how you are, and understand that zesty Cajun joie de vivre occasionally means a squalid nine-way in the upper deck.