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Railing against ESPN and other black sportswriters is balls enough for two men, but professional sportswriter and powernapper Jason Whitlock is like Milton Berle in a cockshow: seemingly showing it all, he stuns you by showing you still more.

2. The Ball State Cardinals are going to run the table and make a bid to crash the BCS bowl party. I (spit) you not.

Five balls, ladies and gentlemen. Jason Whitlock officially has five testicles, though one of them is reserved for use on holidays and vacations only. Just like all the five-testicled wonders of this world, he invites mockery in picking a team with a defense that allowed 28 points a game last year and has to face the McRib-style Vince Young of Isabella County, MI, Dan Lefevour (not really Vince Young, and made with 100% pressed white meat) and Central Michigan at the end of the season.

Plus...even if you pick up the ketamine of such speculation and give it a whirl by buying into a Ball State insurrection (band name), you'll end up out in the cold thanks to Hawaii's colossal flop in the 2008 Sugar Bowl, especially if BYU hitches their holy britches up just so and wrecks shop in the Mountain West.

But it's balls, for sure. To conclude, in accordance with international blog standards, we post this picture of Herr Whitlock.

Carrying balls around like that is tiring. Sleep on, sweet be-sacked prince.