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"YOU BETTER BURN SOME A T. BOONE'S MONEY"

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You've probably deleted this nugget off the hard drive in preparation for the terrabytes of asswhip you'll have to remember for this season, but one of the more decisive and shocking asswhippings of 2007 erupted from the teeny burg of Troy, Alabama, where the preseason top 25 pick Oklahoma State finished their early season implosion and fall from the rankings with a 41-23 drubbing of the Cowboys.

Troy, the tiny candiru of the college football world--little! savage! will swim up your penis and cripple you in ways far disproportional to its size!--is dealing with the win like they've been there before, of course, dismissing any talk of this year's rematch as a "revenge game" as "just another football game," and that "it's gonna be a tough matchup no matter how it goes."

Shit. Quick edit: they're not doing that at all. Apologies. Larry Blakeney, head coach of Troy, is doing the exact opposite of that.

"They might have a bonfire and burn some of T. Boone's money to get ready for the game,” Blakeney said, referring to Boone Pickens.

HOOOOWEEE!!! J.R.'s not going to like that. Wind-powered robots are on the way to Larry Blakeney's house at this instant to tear him limb from limb. Remember, Larry, the key to escaping them is to run perpendicular to the wind. Wind-powered robots hate it when you do that.


The robots are on their way. You have 32 minutes to live, weather permitting.