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Final Destination: Los Angeles qb edition. Something evil craves knee ligaments and the tender flesh of quarterbacks in Los Angeles, and it will not be stopped by your laughable red no-contact jerseys. Mark Sanchez dislocated his kneecap after allegedly doing a merry carioca shuffle during warm-ups, proving that Fred Astaire was more of an athletic badass than you know, and also knocking Mitch Mustain up to the likely starting spot at USC. (Houston Nutt thinks he has no potential as a starter, FYI.) Sanchez could be out for up to eight weeks. Meanwhile, UCLA's Ben Olson broke his foot pulling back from center on a snap, leaving UCLA hedging between redshirt freshman Patrick Forcier and juco transfer Kevin Craft. Forcier can run, meaning he'll start no one really likes to see humans chased by wild animals and ripped apart, and UCLA's offensive line woes could translate into just such a scene for a less-than-fleet qb. (There is some way to blame this on Karl Dorrell. Scientists, to the lab!) Hunter Cantwell enjoys killing animals. Louisville quarterback Hunter Cantwell really enjoys killing frogs, a hobby that may sound unusual if you haven't ever hung around rednecks, who really enjoy killing anything that moves and eating it after applying salt, pepper, and batter.
After his early pocket mishaps, Cantwell ended up skewering more than a dozen bullfrogs. Their rear legs were cut off with shears and placed in plastic bags with ice. Cantwell took a big bag home to his freezer and later emptied its contents in a frying pan. Reportedly, it tasted like chicken. "That's a pretty good meal right there," he said as he surveyed his bounty. We got this from Flubby, who said this wouldn't dispel any stereotypes about the state of Kentucky. Au contraire: Hunter's teeth are intact and sparkling, no one in the story is smoking cigarettes from their mouth and ears simultaneously, and the story does not contain a single horse race anywhere in it. (Thankfully, we might add; given the context, it would end with Cantwell frying up a generous slab of horse steak and announcing its similarity to his other favorite meat, venison.) Civilization marches forward: further proof. Chik-Fil-A becomes a sponsor of College Gameday. We cannot wait to see Chris Fowler turn his nose up at the fatty fattening fat delicious goodness of a nugget platter being passed around the desk only to watch Corso and Herbstreit maw down like starved yard dogs on the deliciousness. Holy Jebus Bikerface is Chik-Fil-A good. Matt Grothe knows this all too well. Being the man of inestimable tastes he is, of course USF qb Matt Grothe made deposits to S. Truett Cathy's retirement fund. He made daily deposits, actually, resulting in Grothe--who already resembles Chet from Weird Science--rounding out into a nicely padded 220 pound value meal toward the end of last season. "I love Chick-fil-A," Grothe said. "A No. 5, 12 piece nuggets, large combo with a sweet tea - it doesn't get no better than that." Grothe now only eats there once a week, and has shaved the "Gro-Hawk." We don't even know who you are anymore, sir. Good times, for a change. Whatever kept Sammie Stroughter off the field last year is done, and he's back ripping off 60 yard TDs in practice for Oregon State. A guy with a name like that deserves any and all surplus rooting you care to heap his way. |
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