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Gotta make time to get time. We're big on that here at Illinoize. Players do homework while they lift weights, brush their teeth while waterskiing, and do Kegels when they're in class. [NAME REDACTED]'s doing 'em right now. Feels great.

Gotta multitask. Gotta do squats and study at the same time. Watch this.

BLOCK!! What's the biggest challenge in theorizing political science?

Eric Block, Illini OL and Poli Sci Major: (grunting 600 pound squat) Grr...the...inabilty to...predict or model...outcomes of multivariate...AAHAIIIIIGGHGHH...situations....

[drops weight, collapses holding back in ominous way, twitches.]

[REDACTED]: Wrong! HA! Don't even know if he is. Walk it off, Block! Likin' the effort.

Wantin' the fans to wave towels. Wantin' 'em to get excited. Wantin' 'em to multi-task. People get excited about things. 'Scuse me.

[Tackles copy machine, rips it in half and drinks ink cartridge.]


See? Excited. People get excited 'bout a lotta things. Football. Family. Arson. Lotsa things. What's better than football? Glad I asked. Football...and towels. And football towels.

[REDACTED'S] got it goin' on. The [REDACTED ZONE]'s like a big spirit helicopter. First it lifts you. Then the whole stadium takes off. We're floatin'. Recruits love it. Big floatin' stadium. Unless the fans stop spinnin' the towels. Then we fall. Maybe die.

LIIIIIIIIIIIIFT!!!! [push jerks a 350 pound mahogany desk over his head twelve times, spilling post-its and energy drink cans in wild maelstrom from it in the process.]

Gotta take some chances in life, though. Gotta go for two at one point in the game where it makes no sense to go for two. Gotta rugby punt. Gotta shake things up. Gotta keep the opposition on their toes. Gotta beat Ohio State and lose to Northwestern. Gotta have a gas fight with total strangers at a gas station and dare someone to light a match once in a while.

(Yup. The gas fight. So many flames. So much screaming. Didn't even see it coming. Five dead in Joliet. Likin' it. So did the recruits. "Nico Bellic, man!" Whoever that is.)

COMPEEEEEEEEEEETE!!!! [passes out from lack of food or water, as he has forgotten to ingest either for three days straight.]

(HT: RL)

PS. No idea what this is about. Illegal licensure. Wrong name. Not gettin' it.